Unknown Title
by AMPitUp
Summary: I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change
1. Chapter 1

Title: (Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/n: I'm not promising greatness. This is what happens when you put a writer in a class that they have no interest in. College is the same as high school that way. I think on Veronica Mars they said that high school is the closest thing we have to institutionalized torture. If that's true, then college is torture you pay for, and not in the good way. This is unbeta.

Part 1: The Message

_You can't see me. You don't hear me. I talk too loud, too much. I ramble on forever, hoping to get your attention. Hoping you'll hear something. Most of the time if your attentions are turned my way, it's because you're insulting me. That's okay. I understand that using words most only find in a thesaurus can be trying. I know, at times, I can seem more eager than a puppy begging for treats. I'm too dramatic. I know that you think I can out diva Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston combined, on a good day. I can be over enthusiastic, especially about Broadway and Glee. I'm sorry. It's just that, that's all I have. My mother didn't want me. My fathers are never home. Puck wanted sex, Jesse was playing a part and Finn only wants me when he can't have me. You weren't much better. The only difference was, I only thought I loved them. I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change. You're a Cheerio. You've got a reputation to protect. I know I'm not worth messing that up. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I've been such a burden. I promise you won't have to put up with my voice or argyle ever again. No one will. I love you Santana Lopez. I hope you have an amazing life. _

_Love Always,_

_Rachel Barbra Berry (Gold Star)_

I'm looking at the piece of paper I've been handed uncomprehendingly. I can't seem to get my mind to work. I just don't understand. I look up to where the person who wrote the note should be. Her seat is empty. I then turn my head to face the normally bubbly blonde sitting next to me. My best friend had a confused look on her face.

`"S, its not a happy note, is it? Rachel said it would make you happy. She said it was part of a surprise. But your don't look happy." Brittany's brows were furrowed adorably. In another universe I might have fallen for her, but in this one my heart belongs to a petite brunette. Although if what little my mind can process of said brunette's note, I haven't been doing a very good job of showing her.

I felt a dead weight settle in the pit of my stomach as what Brittany said penetrated my thoughts. "B, what are you talking about? What surprise?"

"Don't know. She asked me to give you the note and then… something else. I'm supposed to take you somewhere." The blonde's eyebrow furrowed as she tried to remember. Finally her lights lit up. "I'm supposed to take you to the Auditorium. Come on!" Brittany grabbed my arm and began dragging me out the door. The rest of the Glee club had realized something was happening and followed us, probably hoping to get some dirt. I was too dumbstruck by being yanked on by anyone, minus Coach Sylvester, to notice them.

When, after pushing open the Auditorium doors, we walked in I felt relief. No sign of the pint sized diva. My relief is short lived as I notice a lab top sitting on stage. There is a widow holding what looks like a video on the screen. It takes me a minute to realize it's a live feed. What I see causes me to freeze in absolute horror.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: (Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/n: This is part too. If biology continues to be so incredibly boring you can count on part 3 coming maybe next week, Class is on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays so you never know.

Part 2: My fault

I'm sitting in the hospital watching the steady rise and fall of Rachel's chest. I can't help but think back to two days ago. This girl, this amazing, talented, more-than-slightly annoying girl, tried to kill herself. She would have succeeded if help had gotten there any later.

_She would use one of her damn gold stars in a suicide note_. I think morbidly. _And she would have to make killing yourself even more dramatic then it already is._

***Flashback***

I just stare in shock at the computer screen. Rachel Berry, the girl I've been secretly dating for the last three months, is sitting on her desk chair at home. In one hand she is holding a box cutter. Everything is in slow motion. Rachel lowers the blade to the wrist of her other hand. I want to scream for her to stop as she presses down and begins to cut deeply into her flesh. My voice is frozen in my throat as she drags the blade down to the inside of her elbow. A trail of red blood flows in the wake of the knife.

"S? What's Rachel doing? Why is she the box hurting herself? S? S? What's going on? Q?" A hysterical Brittany is asking in the background. I vaguely hear her. My entire world seems to consist in the flowing red on the screen.

I'm unable to answer her. I can't make sense of what I'm seeing. I think I'm in shock. I feel someone shaking my shoulder. I barley recognize hazel eyes through the haze of red that I still see in front of my eyes. It's Quinn. She is asking me questions. I hear my own voice answering her, but I can't for the life of me understand what's being said. It's like I'm on autopilot.

I can only see Rachel's hurt expression from this morning when I pretended not to notice her wave. This is my fault. All my fault.

***End Flashback***

I'm pulled back to the present by a hand on my shoulder. I look up into the concerned brown eyes of Rachel's daddy Richard. His eyes are sad and soulful as he turns his head to look at his only daughter, is baby girl..

"It's not your fault," he whispers in his surprisingly deep voice. He is small like Rachel. His voice surprised me the first time I heard it. He looks a lot like Taub from House, short and slightly balding, so it's shocking when he speaks. He sounds like he could rival a jazz singer if he were ever to try,

" How can this not be my fault?" I ask in a broken whisper. _She did this because of me, for me._ I barely refrain myself from adding. I haven't told anyone about the note she left me. The only other person who knows about it is Brittany and I doubt she'll connect the two things. I love the girl, but she really is slow.

"How could it be?" Richard asked quietly. "You didn't do anything. She told you she was fine and understood that you weren't ready to come ut yet. This isn't your fault."

I remain quiet, I know he's wrong. This is my fault, all my fault. I just hope that when she wakes up she'll let me fix this.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: (Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I'm still looking for a title. It was suggested by SoreashaAdams37 on that it could be Bleeding Love after the song. If anyone else has any suggestions I'm open to them. This was written today. Yay for boring Biology. Thank you for all the reviews. They have made me happy. Both here and on the pezberry livejournal community.

Part 3: Sealed With A Kiss

"It's going to be okay," A voice whispers. I look up from the chair I'm sitting in. I feel like I've been sitting here, waiting, forever. Rachel had lost so much blood that it took her about twelve hors to wake up. When she finally did she was acting disoriented. I guess that's to be expected since she didn't plan on waking at all. Unfortunately, it turns out that because of how tiny she is, losing so much blood so quickly made her sick. She has been in an out of a fever induced sleep.

"I wish everyone would stop saying that. My girlfriend just tried to kill herself because of me. How is anything ever going to be okay?" I look up at the owner of the voice, hazel eyes meeting my own amber.

After the whole baby-daddy stupidity, were Quinn ended up kicked out of Finn's, she ended up living with Rachel's family. Rachel felt guilty and invited Quinn to live with her. It only took living with Puck for a month for her to accept. The Berrys ended up sort of adopting her. In the end they gave her a home where she felt good about wanting to keep her baby. Rachel calls Beth her little star. As far as Rachel is concerned Q is her sister and minie B is her niece.

It still amazes how forgiving the entire Berry clan is, not just Rachel, but her fathers as well. She forgave Q, and now they're sisters. She not only forgave, but continues to forgive, me and my cruelty At least I thought she had.

Instead she buried all the pain over everything inside. She didn't tell me she was hurting. I'm not stupid. I know she didn't like that we still had to act like enemies at school. I just wish I'd know that she thought the reason was because I was using her for sex and didn't really love her. In reality I was just scared.

I watched one of my best friends lose their family for getting pregnant. I watched how it hut Quinn to lose her parents. I was afraid that would happen to me. My family isn't just Catholic, they're Catholicholics. They live, breath and dream the bible. They still thought I was a virgin. I thought that if they knew I was gay they would send me to a special camp. It turns out I was wrong. They are just happy I found some nice person who makes me happy. Now, because of my fear, my girlfriend was in pain. Her fathers have already told me that she will most likely have to go to a psychiatric hospital.

It kills me. I don't know what to do. My fear hurt her. I should have told her the truth. I was afraid it would get back to my parents. I almost did tell her once, but then she started to tell me how strong she thought I was. How was I supposed to tell her I was scared after something like that?

I'm pulled out of my thoughts once again as strong arms wrap around my neck in a hug. Warm breath tickles my ear as the person holding me sighs.

"I don't know S," Quinn answers. "I just know that everything is going to be okay. She will be okay. What other choice is there?"

I don't know how to answer that. After a while I turn to look into hazel eyes. "You really think so?" I sound small and weak, but I don't care. In this one moment I'll allow myself to be weak and seek reassurance.

"I know so." She looks so sure. I almost believe her.

"Q, you read the note. How am I going to fix this?" I ended up breaking down and showing Quinn the note. Her and Brittany are the only ones who knew Rachel and I are together. I figured that Q would understand both where I'm coming from and what the note actually said. I was also afraid the note would make B cry.

"I haven't figured out that part yet. Well, all of that part. I know the first part will have to be to tell the truth. I think we both know what happens when you try to lie or withhold information." She hesitates for a second before continuing. " S, I think you need to show Rachel's dads the note."

I can fell my eyes go wide in shock. "Are you crazy? They'll be devastated. The note may have been for me, but she mentioned them as well."

"I know, but they need to know. I love Richard and Kevin. They are the parents I wish mine could have been. I don't want them to hurt anymore then you do, but they need to know. They can't help her if they don't know all of why she broke." I look at her trying to figure out when she went Dr. Phil, without the stupidity.

I take a deep breath and sigh. "I'll think about it."

She hugs me before looking at her watch. "I've got to go pick up Beth from Puck. After that B wants to take her to see the baby ducks at the petting zoo." I finally smile a little at that. I was so happy when I learned that B and Q had gotten together. I Q will take care of B and B absolutely loves Q and Minnie B. " See you at school tomorrow?" she asks with concern. I hadn't been to school since this whole mess began on Thursday, four days ago. I know Coach is going to kill me, but I honestly don't give a damn.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I'm being forced to." She nods before giving me one last hug and walking out the door, leaving me once again alone with my thoughts. I feel heavy as I watch over Rachel. My eyes start to close and before I know it I'm asleep.

***Dream/Memory***

I'm at the park. B dragged Q, Rachel and I here so we can show Minnie B the ducks. Brittany and Quinn are laughing at Beth's wide eyes s a little baby duck walks up to where she is sitting on the blanket and steals her cookie.

I look over to Rachel and feel my breath catch. Ever since Quinn moved in with the Berrys, and then hooked up with B, all four(now five) of us have been hanging out. Rachel is so much mellower when she is away from school. It's almost like she finally gives herself permission to breath. Don't get me wrong, she is still a diva, but the more I get to know, the more I want to make her my diva.

Q told me that she and Finn broke up. When I asked Rachel why, she just smiled and said that she found someone one that she doesn't just think, but knows she loves. She had this look in her eyes that I usually only see when Q looks at B or vice versa. Since then I have caught her watching me with that same look. That was a few weeks ago. I can't get that look out of me head. I can't get her out of my head either. I think it also might be too late for my heart.

She has some hair falling in front of her eyes. I reach out and push it behind her ears without thinking. She blushes. I feel my lips tugging into a smirk. I place my hand on top of the one of hers sitting on the blanket. Her blush deepens as she takes a deep breath and intertwines her fingers with mine. My smirk turns into a smile as I lean forward and kiss her cheek. When I pull away I catch Q looking at us. I just hold Rachel's hand tighter. Quinn smiles and gives a small nod before turning back to watch her daughter and girlfriend.

It would be a week of stolen cheek kisses and hand holding before I get the courage to ask her out.

*End of Dream/ Memory*

I wake up with my head on the bed and a too warm hand in my own. I look to see chocolate brown hidden behind closed eye lids. I reach up with my free hand and push a lock of hair away.

"I'll fix this. Everything will be okay." I seal my promise with a kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: (Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Once again thank you for your reviews. Waking up at stupid 'o'clock in the morning produces such things. Bonus points if you catch where this parts title is from.

Part 4: Three Small Words

-Two days later after school-

I've already been here two hours. Rachel's fever finally broke last night. The infection is almost gone. After tossing and turning for a while the night after her talk with Quinn I decided she was right. I took Richard and Kevin to one side and showed them the note.

***Flashback***

Kevin brakes down and falls into his much smaller husbands arms. Most people would be surprised by this. Kevin is a huge 6'2' African American, with a default serious expression of serious. When I first met him I assumed that he was the boss. It turns out he is nothing but a big teddy bear.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. Both men turn to me in confusion. I try and fight the tears from falling. "This is my fault. I know you must blame me to and probably don't want me near Rachel anymore. I promise if you let me I'll do my best to fix this." By the time I finish speaking I can't stop a few tears from falling.

"Oh sweetie," Kevin cried as he pulled me into a bear hug. "This isn't your fault."

"Kevin's right," Richard says as he rubs my back. "Rachel made a choice. We all made mistakes. If Rachel had felt she could have come to us or if high school wasn't such a horrible place… The ifs will drive us crazy. In the end, for what ever reason, Rachel felt this was a viable option. She made a choice. All any of us can do is try and make sure she never sees this as an option again."

***End Flashback***

Rachel hasn't spoken since the fever broke and she became lucid. It's the longest I have ever witnessed her quiet, including the time she had Laryngitis She looks around, looks down at her bandaged arm and sighs. The TV is on. I'm pretending to watch it, while really watching her. I think she knows this. I never was good at being subtle.

Finally she looked at me without catching my eye. "Why?" She asked in a quiet, broken voice. I never thought I'd hear her voice quiet, or her spirit it broken. She always seemed above it all. The fact that it's a one word sentence and not a paragraph is also disconcerting. I'm dating Rachel; I have to know some big words.

"Why what?" I stare at her confused. I've given up pretending to watch TV by now. She still refuses to look me in the eye.

"Why did you save me? Why didn't you let me die? It would have been better for everyone."

"No! Don't you dare talk like that!" I finally snap from everything that's been going on, her words act as my trigger. I quickly go to sit on the bed and take her uninjured hand in my own. "Baby the world does need you. I need you." I hesitate before saying the words I thought were implied, but I haven't actually spoken. "I love you Rach."

Tears are streaming from her eyes as she puts her head in her hands and begins to sob. I immediately pull her into my arms and begin to walk with her. She leans into me and sobs harder. I just hold on tighter, not wanting to let go.

"It'll be okay. I love you. We'll get though this."

After a while she finally calms down. I don't let go. She snuggles closer while I lay us down on the cramped hospital bed, her uninjured hand finds my and she entwines our fingers while her head rests in the crook of my neck. I pull our joined hands up and kiss the knuckles before placing it on top of my chest.

Eventually I'll have to let her out of the safety of my arms. The psychiatrist is coming to see what kind of plan we will need to make. Things are about to get harder. Things always have to get harder before they get better. I don't care. She's worth it. I close my eyes and concentrate on the now, trying to ignore the fact that there would be more pain before the healing can start.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: (Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I'm not really sure about this chapter. Also this is Santana. There is only so much she can do before she snaps. I feel a Santana-blow-up out-of –frustration-and-helplessness coming on. Also once again thank you for the reviews.

Part 5: Falling Star

*Three weeks later*

Rachel is back in school. The psychiatrist decided that she would be better suited to out patient treatment. I was thrilled. It meant I would still be able to see her. She was to stay home from school for two weeks then go back.

For the two weeks that she was home things seemed fine, awkward, but fine. Now that she's back at school, I hoped things would get a little better. I know it was a vain, stupid hope.

I had promised myself that I would protect her. I don't have to be afraid of losing my family over who I love. I'm free to protect her. I made sure to let everyone know, the day she came back to school that she was off limits. I made sure to enlist the only four good jocks in our school for help, just in case I needed back up.

I am so glad I listened to Q. I had almost forgotten how smart she is. She is the one that suggested we hold an unofficial glee meeting. Most may be at the bottom and horrible gossip/ wannbe divas aka Kurt and Mercedes, but we are a team and if nothing else they will be able to be there for Rachel during the parts of the day I can't.

***Flashback***

Everyone from glee is gathered in the Berry's living room. Minnie B is upstairs taking a nap. Q is sitting on the arm chair with B on her lap an a baby monitor in her hand. Artie is next to the chair with Tina on his lap. Mike, Matt and puck are sitting on the floor around the chair and couch. Finn, Kurt and Mercedes are on the couch and Rachel and I are on the love seat. Richard and Kevin are in the kitchen in case we need them.

More then a few eyebrows rose and mouths fell open when Rachel and I sat next to each other. Really where did they think I disappeared to after everything went down? I know the rest of the club wasn't allowed to visit, but still, one of us commits suicide and another disappears somewhere even coach can't reach. These people can figure out that Puck's the daddy but not that Rachel and I are together. The fact that Puck flat out said he was the father is beyond the point.

I scowl as I take in everyone's reactions. With the exception of the two blonde girls everyone was shocked. "Close your mouths and keep them closed. One negative comment and I'll make Coach Sylvester look like a saint." My bitch face was on full force.

Everyone automatically closed their mouths. Quinn just smirked at me. Her and B think its funny when I act tough. They know who I am.

I feel a hand slip into mine and I sigh. This is why we had the no touching rule at school. Just a brush of skin against skin and I'm mush. It's hard to act like you hate someone when you turn from a tigress to a kitten when that happens.

I look over at my girl. I smile before looking back to the group. Everyone but Q and B are pretending not to notice for fear of pain. Britt is smiling widely while Quinn is mouthing the word whipped. I just shrug.

"First order of business," I state gruffly. "Rachel is my girl. Anyone does anything to upset her in any way, shape, or form and they'll get worse then a slushy facial. Finnocence, Puck, Wonder Twins that means you better stop your jockabes or you won't have enough to make a team when I'm done." The boys, minus Kurt and Artie, nod. I smile when I realize even Puck is to afraid to be , well, Puckish.

It makes me feel good knowing that I'm finally going to be using my power to help, rather then hurt, my girl. Rachel snuggled into me more. I'm still not sure how I can make things better, but I think this is helping a little bit.

"Second, no one is to speak about what happened unless Rachel specifically wishes to talk about it with you. Understood?" I watched as everyone nodded again. I look at Rachel again to see if she has anything to add. She just sits there, seemingly lost and heartbreakingly silent. I never thought I'd miss her incessant rambling so much.

She hasn't really spoken to me since that day in the hospital. I don't know what to do. I know its going to take time before she believes she is worth anything According to the psychiatrist she has years of repressed pain to deal with. I should be happy she still lets me near her, still looks for me for some form of comfort. I just keep hoping it not too late, that the damage isn't completely irreversible.

I grip her hand tighter in my own as Quinn takes over. She was always better at planning. She fills in the rest of the club on how everything was going to go and who had what row. I continued holding Rachel hoping that this will work. That stopping the bullies will help.

***End Flashback***

I sigh as I'm temporarily brought back to reality. I seem to space out as much as B lately. It's glee today. Mr. Shue is talking. Nobody is listening. Something about winning Sectionals, I think. I haven't been paying attention. Rachel is here thankfully. She is sitting next to me, as lost in thought as I was a second.

Normally she would be taking notes, or living outrages that someone else is getting a solo. Mr. Shue did in fact give Mercedes a solo that rightly belongs to Rachel. Instead of going off in a diva fit, or something she just sighs and nods. I'm not quite sure he knew how to handle that.

I wanted to kill him. I feel like he is disregarding Rachel and proving her right. He knows why she has been out. Instead of trying to help her, he is taking away her music. What is worse is that she isn't fighting it.

I don't like this. Glee was supposed to help. Mr. Shue is supposed to be a good teacher. Rachel is supposed to fight. Instead she is falling. She is supposed to be a gold star, shining brighter then the sun. I know it's only been three weeks. I know that the therapy has only just begun. That doesn't make it hurt any less.

My star seems to be falling faster then before. I'm trying to let her know I'm here. It's hard. As fine as things appeared those first two weeks, it's now worse then when I had to watch her kill herself. I sometimes think we really were too late. The girl I'm looking at doesn't seem like anything more then a ghost. You can see her, but she isn't actually there.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: (Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: This is what happens when you lock me in a room of drying paint.

Part 6:

Rachel and I are snuggled against each other on the couch. She is having one of her rare good days. On these days its almost as if I have her back. Almost.

I pull her closer. It feels so good to hold her. Ever since she woke up and I finally told her I love her, I have taken every opportunity I can to hold her. I had thought that I would never be allowed to ever again. Now that that isn't true, I don't ever want to let her go. I feel her heartbeat against my chest and smile as I remember something she said.

***Flashback***

I feel Rachel's head settle right above my heart. I pull her closer and begin running my fingers through sweaty brown locks. We had finally had sex after a month of dating.

I'm in full afterglow and to judge by how limp her limbs are, so is Rachel. I can feel her deep, even breathing. I'd convinced myself she'd fallen asleep when I feel her whisper something. I look down and meet chocolate eyes. I nudge her and she smiles.

"It's beautiful," she repeats softly. At my confused expression her smile broadens. "Your heartbeat. As much as I love the music produced by a voice, I love the sound of your heartbeat more. I know this sounds corny to you, but it means that I'm no longer alone. I've never felt that with anyone before."

I lean down and kiss he lips, hoping to convey the emotion I'm to scared to put into words just yet. She smiles into the kiss before placing another over my heart and snuggling deeper into me. Soon after we're both sound asleep.

***End Flashback***

I smile at the memory. I feel Rachel shift a little. I look at her. She is looking at me weird. It takes me a minute to realize that I must have spoken out loud.

I chuckle before saying, "I was just remembering our first time together." Rachel tries to look down, blushing. I tilt her chin back up so that she is looking at me again. "You were right in a way. I love the sound of your heartbeat, but I don't think that it's the best thing in the world. I think that place belongs to the feel of your heartbeat against my own when I hold you. It lets me know your still here. I don't know what I would do if you weren't." I'm a punk, but it's worth it to see the smile on her face. She quickly kisses my lips before snuggling back into me.

In a voice so soft I strain to hear she whispers, "I guess it's not so horrible that I failed after all." My heart flutters in my chest. I can't help, but once again think about how being a punk isn't so bad. Finally some progress.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: (Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Stupid Shue

Part 7: Slaying Mr. Shue

I don't think I have ever been this angry. It feels like every time Rachel starts to make progress we come to glee and Mr. Shue shoots it all to hell. I feel a vindicated in my anger when I notice Q and B seem just as angry as I am. Mr. Shue keeps talking, trying to justify all the insanely stupid choices he has made lately. Finally I snap.

"YOU ARE THE WORST TEACHER I HAVE EVER HAD OR MOST LIKELT EVER WILL!" I roar at him as I stand up. Everyone else is dead silent as they look between Mr. Shue and me.

"Santana you are out of line. You need to.." I interrupt him before he can continue.

"I'M OUT OF LINE!" I yell incredulously. "Mr. Shue if you were a student I would have destroyed you for how you've treated Rachel. You make what everyone else has done look kind." I'm seeing red and somehow forcing myself to stay where I am and not kick his ass.

"Santana," he begins in a warning one, "I suggest you calm down before…"

"Before WHAT? You won't do anything to me. You need all twelve of us to compete. You claim to care about the students, but really you just want to relive your glory days through us. You're worse then Coach. At least she is up front about her goals. You hide behind manufactured concern and a sub-par ability at, really, everything. You pretend to be trying to build everyone else's confidence. The truth is you are so jealous of Rachel's talent that you try to tare her down worse then anyone else in this school. She is going to be something. You can't tolerate that she will go somewhere and you never did." I can't stop myself as I start to go for the kill. I am so sick of this self-righteous asshole trying to tare my girl down. "You are just as guilty as I am for pushing Rachel to do what she did. The difference is while I'm trying to make things better; you're just making things worse. You're taking away her life, her music." With that I do a storm out to rival any of Rachel's. Before I'm out the door I notice the stricken look on Shue's face. I can't help but take pleasure in that look.

As I reach the lockers I can feel my anger still growing inside me, only this time at myself. I shouldn't have done that in front of Rachel. I feel a hand on my shoulder and quickly turn. I have enough time to register tears in chocolate, before I'm a small slightly shaking body has jumped into my arms.

_Fuck_. I think_. Shes crying. I made her cry. I'm so stupid. I can't seem to do anything right._

Soft lips that taste of vanilla and tears press against my own. I pull back and look at her confused. "Thank you." She says softly. "No one has ever defended me like that. Also it's not your fault. I should have talked to you. I didn't. Please quilt blaming yourself. It hurts me to know that my actions have put you in so much pain." I feel a slight weight lift from my shoulders at those words. I still feel guilty but hearing Rachel and not Q or someone saying those words helps a little.

"I love you," I whisper simply as I pull her into a tighter hug and kiss her forehead.

A soft smile graces her lips as her eyes look at me with wonder in them." I believe you."

I don't have time to respond as I feel another set of arms wrap around us. I look to see blonde hair. "Yay! Santana, you said what Q and I wanted to say. I just didn't know we could."

"Way to go hero," Quinn's voice calls out. B moves away as Q walks towards us. "You slayed your princess' dragon and then executed a storm out to rival all storm outs." Despite the teasing words I can feel the pride coming of Quinn.

"Quinns right. You're my hero," Rachel says. Rachel smiles coquettishly and bats her eyelashes playfully. I feel myself grin at both the words and the playfulness. "I really must find a way to repay you."

I chuckle before puffing out my chest and playing along. Screw if anyone else sees. I don't care as long as Rachel smiles at me like that. "Well, oh princess of golden stars, I have but one humble request. I wish to go back to your castle and listen to you sing. It is said that your voice rivals that of angels." I try not to laugh at how corny I sound. From the corner of my eye I see Q and B giggling quietly while holding each other.

Rachel's eyes light up in a way I was starting to wonder if I would ever see again. Without a word she starts dragging me to the parking lot. I haven't heard her sing in what feels like forever so I'm thoroughly looking forward to this. I can hear my blonde best friends laughing as they follow us. I have this overwhelming feeling that maybe, things will finally be better.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thank you everyone for your reviews and suggestions and especially **jackykay** finding me title (even if she says she just got it from my summary I don't care I think she should still get major bonus points).

Part 8: The Caged Bird Sings

It's been a week since I finally took Shue down. Coach heard about it. I don't think I've ever seen her so happy. From what she said I understand he was moping to Miss Pillsbury in the teachers lounge. Apparently she gave him absolutely no sympathy. I guess she must have seen what the rest of us have seen as well. The other glee kids are completely on our side, including Mercedes and Kurt. Rachel was in shock when they told her that. I can't really blame her, I'm fairly sure I was too. Not that I would ever let anyone else know that.

I'm reveling in how powerful I feel having finally put that worthless asshole in his place. I'm just passing by the auditorium with Q and B when I hear something familiar. I stop and tilt my head and watch as the two blondes do the same thing. We look each other, nod and precede to sneak into the auditorium so as not to startle the person making the music.

We swiftly make our way to the back corner so as to be hidden from sight. Surprise registers as we find all the other gleeks but one already in the corner. They must have heard the music and decided to investigate. I nod to them in greeting before turning back to the stage.

On the stage is Rachel in all her glory. I can't help but smile. I heard her sing a little the week before, but right now like this is completely different. Something about the stage has always transformed Rachel. Watching her its not hard to imagine her as the star I know she'll one day be. The violin from the track she is playing is beautiful. The music familiar, but I have little time to contemplate as she moves from simple warm up songs to the song she really wanted to sing.

I need another story  
Something to get off my chest  
My life gets kind of boring  
Need something that i can confess

Till all my sleeves are stained red  
From all the truth that I've said

I feel myself wince at those words. Even though its been over a month I still sometimes have nightmares where we were to late. The mornings I wake up from those visions of red I have a hard time looking at my uniform, or really anything with the slightest hint of red, let alone putting it on. I keep thinking of Rachel, her blood and her words written on a note I keep in my drawer to remind myself not to be afraid. To never give into my fear and let it hurt this amazing girl._  
_Come by it honestly I swear  
Thought you saw me wink, no, I've been on the brink, so

I should have known by her eyes she had enough. I didn't. I didn't ask. She didn't say a word. We just started getting us back. I'm making sure she never thinks that killing herself is better then talking to me ever again.

Tell me what you want to hear  
Something that'll like those ears  
Sick of all the insincere  
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away  
This time  
Don't need another perfect lie  
Don't care if critics never jump in line  
I'm Gonna give all my secrets away  


I smile at this. Last week after we got back to her house we finally talked. She told me everything she couldn't say. I told her everything I've been to afraid to say since. We cried and we got everything in the open. I made her promise to try and quit caring what everyone else thought. I said if she tried so would I. They don't matter. She nodded. I was still crying, something I had never done in front of her before. She pulled me to her and sang to me softly.

My God, amazing how we got this far  
It's like were chasing all those stars  
Who's driving shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news  
All the problems we could solve  
And when a situation rises  
Just write it into an album  
Singing straight to cold?  
I don't really like my flow, no, so  


I still can't believe we got to this point. I was so afraid that she would never start to get better. She is singing on stage. Even if she doesn't think she has an audience, this is huge. She is talking about her future again. We're talking about our future. She is going to be a star and I'm going to be a psychiatrist. I want to make sure to help all those kids get through the pain that Rachel went through. She wants to start a clinc when she becomes a star and gets enough money. She knows she isn't completely better yet, but she will be one day and when she is she wants to help others.

Tell me what you want to hear  
Something that'll like those ears  
Sick of all the insincere  
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away  
This time  
Don't need another perfect lie  
Don't care if critics never jump in line  
I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

Got no reason  
Got no shame  
Got no family  
I can blame  
Just don't let me disappear  
I'mma tell you everything

Tell me what you want to hear  
Something that'll like those ears  
Sick of all the insincere  
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away  
This time  
Don't need another perfect lie  
Don't care if critics never jump in line  
I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

All my secrets away  
All my secrets away

The song ends and I can stop myself as I move away from the shadows. I'm smiling as I walk to the stage. Rachel has a shocked expression on her face as she realized she had an audience. I jump on the stage and swing her around before setting her back down and kissing her lips. The rest of the glee kids are walking forward with watery smiles and clapping hands.

Before any of us can say anything a voice behind us speaks. "That was amazing Rachel." We all turn to see Shue standing in the aisle. I hold Rachel tighter and glare at the thing that calls himself a man. I take great pleasure in noticing the rest of the members of New Directions standing closer to Rachel as well. I smile . _It's about damn time._ Shue has the decency to look ashamed. "Rachel I'm sorry. Santana's right. I haven't been fair to you. " You can tell he is pained to admit I was right.

"You think. " I roll my eyes at the man.

"I deserve that. Rachel I am sorry. I heard you singing just now." He quickly changed the subject. "That song would be perfect for Sectionals. With you singing that song at Sectionals we can't lose. What do you say? You ready to go get some practice done?"

I'm about yell at him again. Does he really think that a simple I'm sorry will make things better? Who am I kidding, of course he does. Before the words leave my lips I feel Rachel tighten her hold on me. "I'll think about it." She says. The look on his face at her words, at the fact she isn't jumping to forgive him, is priceless.

I smirk at how his mouth opens a couple times in shock before he can respond, "Of course. That's all I can truly ask." Finally after standing there looking like an idiot he walks away.

I turn and smile at Rachel before kissing her again. "That's my girl." I whisper in her ear. She smiles at me I give her lips one more peck. The rest of the club are surrounding us telling her how good she was and how badass she just acted with Shue just now, with her cold response and indifference.

"Well of course she was bad ass," I say loudly. "She is **my** girlfriend." Q roles her eyes at me while everyone else laughs, including Rachel. It's so nice to hear laugh. Everything isn't back to normal and I don't really want it to. What we're heading for is so much better.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: I Truly Love You (Formally Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I was wrong my test isn't until Wednesday. Oh well.

Part 9: Happy

I'm lying on Rachel's bed. Beth is laying next to me. Rachel volunteered us to babysit while Q and B go out for some alone time. Puck had to work and I really do love the munchkin. I'm so engrossed in the simple task of watching Minnie B breath that I don't notice Rachel leaning in the doorway watching us.

Eventually I realize I'm being watched and look up. Rachel has an eyebrow raised and is smirking at me. I can feel myself blushing as she steps forward chuckling softly.

"She's asleep," I whisper sheepishly. Rachel likes to tease me about how overprotective I am of minnie B. She likes to say that she thinks it's cute. I'm Santana Lopez. I don't do cute. At least for anyone but Rachel and minnie B, okay and big B too.

"I see that," Rachel smirks. I roll my eyes and smile at her. I can see us when we're older, our own little one sleeping on the bed. I like thinking about Rachel and I together with a family. I know we're young but it's hard not to think in terms of future us when my girl.

Rachel is on the other side of Beth now. She smiles as she looks down at the sleeping blonde girl. Blonde hair and hazel eyes. Beth is physically all Q. I chuckle at this thought. Only Quinn would have the genes that dominate any other characteristics that could happen in her child. Rachel pokes me to get me to look at her. I smile and shake my head before telling her my therapy. She tries to suppress the low chuckle. She then tilts her head in thought.

"Who do you think our kids will take after?"

"Us, without a doubt. Like anyone could dominate me." At the look on Rachel's face I add quickly. "Besides you of course." I mentally role my eyes. I honestly can't figure out when I got this whipped.

"Good girl." Rachel smirks at me, obviously pleased, not only by my answer, but also at her ability to wrap me around her finger so thoroughly. I she could have ever thought I didn't care when I jump to do whatever she wants at a simple look, I'll never know.

"You enjoy that way too much."

"Well of course. I'm fairly positive the only other person who posses this super power is your mom, and she is more then a little terrifying." She had this expression on her face that I really couldn't blame her for.

My mama demanded that Rachel come over last Sunday for dinner. I'm pretty certain she was traumatized by all the meat. Rachel won't eat meat except fish. Apparently there was a horrible mix up between a petting zoo. She doesn't like to talk about it and I 'm not pushing to hard. I still like my meat thank you very much.

The point is that Rachel is now completely terrified of my mother. She loves my papa. He plays guitar. Rachel was thrilled. She sang while he played for a while after dinner. When my papa learned she had never learned to play guitar, only the piano, he insisted that Rachel let him give her lessons. She let out this happy squeal before hugging him. I can't remember the last time I saw my father grin that hard. When I got back from taking her home my mama told me how much they loved Rachel and how happy my papa is that he has someone willing to let him how to play guitar again. He taught my brother and I when we were younger, but we never had the same passion about it he did.

"If it helps she likes you and she just generally scared everyone, except B. I think that has a lot more to do with B's Bness then anything else though." I smile reassuringly before reaching over Beth and taking Rachel's hand in my own, The hand happens to be connected to the arm she cut.

"What do we tell them? These kids we will one day have. What do we tell them when they ask about mommy's scar?" she asks as I begin tracing along the line that now marks her once perfect skin.

I look into worried eyes and shrug. "The truth. Sometimes bad things happen. People make mistakes. If you're lucky you learn from them. You and I were lucky. We learned." Rachel gave me a watery smile as I intertwined our fingers. We went back to watching minie B for a bit. I felt Rach shift a bit. We both settled in a comfortable silence.

A blinding flash went off behind my eyelids. I don't even remember falling asleep. I look to where the flash came from. Two grinning blondes stared back at me. "Aww, this is so cute. Big, bad Santana Lopez snuggled around little Beth for a nap. I have to show everyone how adorable this is." Q is smirking as she holds up the camera.

"You're dead." I growl quietly, trying to make sure not to wake up the sleeping toddler or my girlfriend. Quinn is already out of the room grinning like an idiot when I begin to chase after her. I hear a sleepy voice ask what was going on before I'm down stairs.

I've got Q cornered in the kitchen when I feel small arms circle my waist. Rach looks at Quinn before putting her hand out. Q hands over the camera while Rachel shakes her head. "You are both worse then little kids." She scolds then quickly moves away from me to look at the picture. Q has already moved past me when I notice the mischevious glint in both girls' eyes. "I got it Britt." She calls as she takes off. Q and I run after her laughing. I feel a real smile on my face at the look of pure joy on Rachel's. My best friends and my girlfriend are here. Everyone is happy and laughing. I know that it's not a good idea to even think this when things are this good, but I truly feel like nothing can go wrong.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: I Truly Love You (Formally Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Hi. I don't really have anything snarky or enlightening or really anything to say except thank you for reading.

Part 10: We're Family

I'm standing by my locker with B waiting for Rachel and Q. They have their last classes together, so B and I usually wait for them at my locker then head home.

I notice a crowd gathering down the hall and for some weird reason I start to get this bad feeling in my stomach. I'm walking towards the crowd when it parts for a second and glimpse Karofsky with his big, meaty hand wrapped around Rachel's little wrist. She was trying to pull away. Her sleeve was pulled down. She has been wearing long sleeves to hide her scar.

I start running. When I get closer I hear a pissed off Quinn yelling at Karofsky to let Rachel go. I get to the edge of the crowd and in my most deadly voice I say one word, "Move."

Karofsky looks up and at me when he realizes the crowd has parted. He grins like he won a prize until he sees I'm not smiling. "Let her go." My voice is deadly calm. He drops Rachel as if burned. Rachel runs behind me to Brittany who followed me when I stated heading down here. I step forward and Karofsky steps back. We continue this until he is completely backed against the lockers. " If you ever think even think of going near Rachel again and when I am done with you there wont be enough of you left to identify your body." His eyes are wide as I turn away.

"You're protecting that freak." He asked shocked, as soon as I turn my back.

I moved so quickly he never saw it coming. He was on his back, blood allover his face covered in blood and my foot was crushing down on his boys. "NO ONE calls Rachel a freak. She is my girlfriend and therefore under my protection. I move my glare to the other students watching. "That goes for everyone." I press harder with my foot and feel satisfaction at the groan I hear emitted. "Unless you want to end up like the idiot here." I could feel the slight fear as the crowd dispersed after another glare.

I turned to where Rachel stood with her head buried in B's chest sobbing. Q was rubbing her back as both girls tried to calm Rachel down. My eyes soften as I step forward pulling the crying girl from B into my arms. I try and calm her down as I whisper words of love and reassurance. "Take me home, please." She whispered after we stood there awhile groaning, unmoving Karofsky behind me.

The four of us walk to my car. I hand my keys over to Q and get in the back with Rachel while Britt gets in the front seat. Quinn drives us to their and Rachel's house. The ride is silent. When we finally get to their house and walk through the door Rachel had almost calmed enough to stop crying.

Richard is in the living room playing with Beth. He works from home and is more then happy to play babysitter while Quinn and Puck are at school. Rachel just continues upstairs. I follow after her. I hear Richard asking what was going on. I don't hear their response.

I walk into Rachel's room and sit next to where Rachel has thrown herself on her bed. I rub her back without either of us saying a word. I can feel the muscles in her back slowly begin to relax. I know she is hurting and it kills me that that asshole was able to hurt her. I could threaten and beat the shit out of all the assholes of the word, but I can't stop them from talking, or her hearing. I feel helpless. I'm also pissed. I', going to try my best to make sure everyone leaves her alone tomorrow. What happened today should never have happened, will never happen again if I have my way.

I feel her shift so she can look at me. "He is right you know." She states in a sad voice," I am a freak only a freak would do this to her self." She holds out her arm to emphasize her point.

"No baby, he isn't," I slide down and lay next to her before pulling her into my arms. " He is so very wrong. You are beautiful and talented and so many other wonderful things. You are everything someone like him could never be, or even hope to understand. You're a good person. You just got sad and overwhelmed."

"What are we going to do? It was one thing when the glee kids knew, but the whole school is something else." She sounds so small and lost I can't help but hole her tighter. We had been lucky so far. Somehow we have kept this from the rest of the student body, come tomorrow everyone will know.

"Don't worry. I'll protect you. It will be okay." I whisper trying to comfort myself as much as her. I was strong enough for this. I could protect. There was no other option.

"S is right. We'll all be there for you." B whispers. I don't know how long her and Q have been standing in the doorway, I'm just grateful they're here. I hate to admit this but I need them as much as Rachel does.

Beth let's out a squeal of delight from where she is in Q's arms when she sees Rachel. "Hear that?" Quinn asks with a smile at her daughters antics. "Beth says she loves you to. We're your family Rach and we're not letting anyone hurt you."


	11. Chapter 11

Title: I Truly Love You (Formally Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I apologize in advance. It's not my fault. I blame what ever it is that made me this dark and twisted.

Part 11: Bang

Another month has passed. It was a month full of ridicule and slushy showers. Not for us, but Karofsky. The entire school agreed that he had crossed a line and gave him hell for it. His former jock buddies made sure he hurt. The teachers, as always, turned a blind eye. This time it was more from agreement then indifference. Coach helped in the torment, that isn't that different either, she likes causing others pain and will use any excuse. Karofsky was at the bottom and Rachel at the top with Q, B and me.

We also won Sectional. Rachel agreed to sing, but made it perfectly clear that is wasn't for Shue. She wasn't going to let the rest of the glee club down after how much support they had shown her.

Everything was good. Rachel was happy and for the last couple months and that was all I had wanted for the last couple months. I should have known something bad was coming.

Rachel and I are at my locker. We were about to skip lunch to make out. Really, I wanted to go make out and was trying to get Rachel to agree. She just kept laughing at my pouting and puppy dog eyes. At least I amuse her.

"hey freak," a voice shouted. We turned to the voice and there was Karofsky. He looks a little crazy. I ignore this as I feel my rage building. I started to step towards him. Didn't this boy ever learn.

I freeze before I take another step. He is holding a gun and it's pointed right at Rachel. "I've decided to help you finish what you started. I think you deserve it." His voice was that of a maniac.

Everything moves too fast and too slow at the same time. I see Finn, Puck, Mike and Matt rushing toward Karofsky. I hear a loud bang. I see the boys tackle him to the ground. I wonder where that hustle is during football season. I hear teachers and kids yelling. I turn to Rachel. She looks shocked and scared. I feel like I'm starting to fall backwards. Rachel's arms are helping guide me to the floor. I feel a slight pain starting in my abdomen. I move my hand down to where the pain is before pulling it back. I can't understand why it's all red. I don't remember being by any paint today.

"Santana." Rachel is choking out my name. I don't understand why she is so sad.

"Shh it's okay Rach. I love you. We're going to have to make out later though. I'm kinda sleepy." I try to smile as my eyes close and everything goes dark.


	12. Chapter 12

Title: I Truly Love You (Formally Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N; Like I could really let Santana die. There is a reason I did what I did.

Part 12: Never Let Go

I feel warm, almost like I'm floating. I feel a weight on my arm and beeping over my head. I slowly open my eyes to a dimly lit room. I look down to where the weight is and see brunette hair and olive skin. I go to run the fingers of my other hand through silky stands but am stopped by a slight tug. I look over and stare uncomprehendingly at the needles and other wires connected to my arm. I feel as confused as B in math class.

"You're awake," a soft, familiar voice whispers from the corner of the room. I can barely make out the silhouette of a woman before she steps closer and reveals my mama.

I try and speak, but my throat is to dry. My mama quickly gets me the cup of water that is sitting close by. "Shhh. Its okay. Drink this. Everything is going to be okay."

"Mama where am I?" My throat still feels a little sore but better.

"The hospital." I look at her blankly. "What do you remember?" she asks the with the same tone she used when I was little and didn't understand why my abuelo wouldn't wake up and get out of the box.

"I remember going to school. Talking to Rachel. I remember someone yelling. A huge bang and darkness." My voice starts to shake as I try and piece the images in my head together. "what happened?" I ask already figuring it out for myself but needing conformation.

"You saved me," a small voice whispers from where the weight is still slightly on my arm. I turn towards the voice and fell my heart drop a little. She looks so tiny and exhausted. " He was going to shoot me and stepped in front of me. You stopped it from killing me and almost got yourself killed." By now Rachel is crying so hard her body is shaking.

I tug on her hand, trying to get her to look me in the eyes again. "Good," I say in a firm voice when she is finally meeting my eyes. "Not good I almost died, but good that you're safe. I told you Rach, I love you and would never let anyone hurt you again."

"You couldn't find another way, besides stepping in front of a bullet, to prove your point." She is trying to be stern but I can still hear the slight waver to her voice.

"What can I say?" I smile. "I've been with you long enough to need a little dramatics to make my point." She looks slightly offended as I hear my mama laugh at our exchange.

"Aww. You two are just too cute." Rachel and I blush slightly to which my mama just laughs a little harder. She takes mercy on us and tells us shes going to go let the doctor know I'm awake and leaving the room.

"I'm sorry." Rachel has moved so that she is closer to where my head is resting on the bed.

"For what?" I ask confused.

"If I made you feel anywhere near as much pain as I did waiting to see if you would survive. I never, ever meant to hurt you." She is so serious and I can see the tears threatening to fall again.

I'm thankful for all the pain killers they must be pumping into me as I attempt to sit up. "It's okay Rach." I smile as pull her hand to my lips and kiss the back." What do you say we make a promise to try and stay out of this place for a while, you know, after I'm better?" I ask trying to lighten the mood. I hate seeing Rachel cry.

"Deal" she laughs. "This place is not where I want our special spot to be."

I chuckle as I lean back into the pillows at those words. I try to hide the pain that shoots through my stomach at this. Soon enough the doctor is coming in and asking me questions. The entire time he is talking I never let do of Rachel's hand. I don't ever plan of letting go.


	13. Chapter 13

Title: I Truly Love You (Formally Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: 13 is my lucky number. Also my hand hurts from first writing, then typing this all out.

Part 13: It's My Party

I was finally released from the hospital. I walked through the front door and straight to a party. My entire family was there. When I say family I am of course including everyone from glee as well as Rachel's dads. Everyone was careful and tried not to hurt me too much. I was still sore but thankful that the bullet missed everything important and that I wouldn't have to go to physical therapy.

Rachel had just gone to get drinks and I was relaxing on the couch. My abuela came over and sat next to me with a smile. "You must really love this girl."

"I do. I love her more then anything." I smile at my abuela.I know my eyes are sparking just thinking of my girl.

My abuela pulls out a small box that she had in her pocket and hands it to me. "I know you two are still young, but so was your abuelo and I. You will give her this. You look at her the same way your abuelo looked at me before he passed. She looks at you the same way."

I open the box and gasp. Inside is the ring my abuelo gave my abuela when he asked if she would marry him. They were the same age as Rachel and I are now. I carefully close the box and hug her the best I can. In my head I am already planning the best way to ask. I know that we're only juniors in high school but I don't care. I honestly don't believe I will ever love anyone but Rachel, and from what my abuela is implying by giving me the ring, she thinks this is forever to. My abuela is never wrong. Just ask her.

Rachel comes back with two waters. My abuela gives me one last kiss on the cheek before hugging Rachel and walking away with a good luck.

Rachel is looking at me with curiosity. I debate whether or not to tell her before deciding screw it it's my party and I'll do what I want to. I pull her closer before taking a deep breath.

"My abuela was with my abuelo until he died." I begin. She nods still loking confused, but willing to see where I'm going with this. "They got married when they were very young, the same age as us actually." I pull the box from where I had hidden it and hand it to her. She opens the box and looks at the ring then at me then the ring then at me again. Her eyes are wide in both surprise and wonder. "This is the ring my abuelo gave my abuela. This is the ring I want to give to you. I know we're young. I know that the future is uncertain. I'm not stupid. We haven't been together very long, only six months or so. I don't care. I love you. I know I am going to love you just like my abuelo loved my abuela, just like my abuela still loves my abuelo." I wipe some tears from Rachels eyes while valiantly trying to stop my own. "I truly do love you. Will you, when we're of age, marry me?"

I wince as I feel Rachel's small body slam into mine. After the first taste of vanilla glossed lips on my own I forget all about being sore at all. "Yes," she whispers against my lips when she pulls away. "Just yes."

I hear cat calls and yelling. I look over to see our whole family cheering. Rachel grins as the other glee girls rush over to look at the ring after I manage to put it on her finger. I listen to the happy squeals of the girls around me. I look at how happy my now fiancée is and can't help but think the whole getting shot thing was so worth it if this is how it ended up.


	14. Chapter 14

Title: I Truly Love You (Formally Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I was sitting in the rain before I wrote this.

Part 14: My Protector

It's raining. I'm sitting on a bench, in the rain. It's a cold rain. I think I'm shivering, or I was shivering. I don't know. My mind doesn't want to work. Karofsky's trial was earlier.

Neither Rachel or I were required to go, but I went anyway. It was really just to tell him how long he'd be in jail since he pled guilty. I don't know why they say that considering he didn't feel any guilt for what he did at all. He was proud of what he did. I've been told he was actually bragging about how he got "the dyke", he phrased it, and would have gotten "the dyke freak" if the boys hadn't gotten in the way. He was bragging about this and they only gave him twenty to thirty years with hope of parole.

It's bullshit. He tried to kill Rachel, almost succeeded in killing me and all they do is give him a slap on the wrist. He can get out if he behaves. I don't understand the justice in that. He needs to stay in jail until he dies with no hope of ever getting out.

I couldn't deal with the verdict. My mind couldn't handle how stupid and unfair it all is. In twenty years or so he could be released and come after us to finish the job. I couldn't take it, so I ran. Rachel's dads tried to catch me. They didn't have a chance. I may still be hurt, but that doesn't stop the fact that I have two years of Coach's special training behind me.

I kept running until the pain in my stomach was too much. I slowed down to a walk and eventually reached a bench overlooking a lake. I sat down. It was only sprinkling then. Now it's full out pouring. I don't mind, mostly I don't notice. I do wonder in an abstract way why it's rain and not snow.

It's January. Christmas, Hanukah, and all those other December holidays happened while I was in the hospital. Karofsky shot me right before the first day of Hanukah, a week before vacation started. There was snow on the ground then. We should still have snow now, but instead it's raining.

My mind is still clinging to this thought and avoiding the more serious ones when I finally register that it's raining around, but not on me. I look up to see someone, Brittany, is sitting next to me. She is holding an umbrella over our heads.

B just sits there without saying a word. I just go back to looking at the semi-frozen lake in front of us. I know I should wonder how she found me, when I don't even know where I am, but I honestly don't care. I don't know how much time has passed, minutes of hours, when I hear the blonde girl sigh. "I wish it was warm enough for the ducks."I look over at B and start cracking up. It's not long until my laughter turns into heart-wrenching sobs. B just hugs me while still somehow holding the umbrella. "It's okay S. The ducks will be back soon." She whispers softly.

I can't help but smile at B's attempt to make me feel better. "Let's go home." I stand up as I say this.

B follows suit and nods. "Rach was crying. I told Q to stay with her so I could go get you. You always know what to do to make her better." I feel guilt wash over me. I don't know what to say. I never meant to make Rachel worry; I just had to get away.

B doesn't seem to notice that I am unable to respond. She just links her pinky with mine and drags me to the parking lot I don't remember passing and to her car. It doesn't feel like long before we're pulling into the Berry's driveway.

I'm barely in the door before a small brunette body id in my arms. I'm saying words of love and reassurance before even registering what I'm doing. When I do I forget about everything else. I'm assuming she does to. I finally manage to calm the crying girl down and she pulls away. Rachel is looking at me with concern in her eyes at what she sees.

"You're freezing. Santana how many times have I told you not to go outside without a coat on?" Rachel continues to scold me as she pulls me upstairs to her bathroom. She is still on a role as she turns the warm water on, tests it and adds some of her special bubble bath. When she finally stops talking and looks at me I can see all the questions in her eyes. She opens her mouth to speak then closes it again.

Without a word she reaches towards me and begins to undress me. I can't help but feel slightly nervous. We've kissed and cuddled, but nothing more since all this drama began. She was trying to heal and I was trying to be supportive. I'm afraid of shat she'll think of the scar on my stomach. I know she has her own scar from all this, but I honestly believe that no amount of scars could stop how beautiful she is. Once I am naked in front of her for the first time months she stops her actions again before reaching kissing my lips. "It's okay. It's just a bath. Besides you're beautiful."

She turns away to turn off the water before undressing herself and tugging me to the tub. After she is sure I'm situated she steps in behind me. I try to turn and face her, but am stopped by a pair of deceptively strong arms. "It's my turn to be strong now." She whispers. I can only nod as I lean against her.

It feels good, not just her skin against mine, but her arms around me. I can't help but melt. The warm water is soaking into my skin and for the first time since I work up this morning I am starting to relax.

As much as I do truly want her, this moment isn't about that. This moment is about letting her like she is strong enough to be there for me, which she is, and taking comfort in the fact that I can lean on her as much as she can lean on me. I'm usually the protector, but in this moment she is. I know that she is willing to whatever it takes to protect me, just as I would for her. She loves me just like I love her. Later we'll have to talk. I'll tell her why I ran. That's later and this now. Right now this is what I need. Right now all that exists is us. Al I can hear is her heartbeat. Right now is perfect.

A/N2: I was in a weird mood and feeling lonely wishing I had someone when I wrote this. I also wanted to show Rachel and Santana switching roles a little. I wanted to show their relationship evolving into more of one of equals where Santana can lean on Rachel just as much as we know Rachel can lean on Santana. I also wanted some Santana and Brittany time. I don't think I had written really any and that seemed just wrong.


	15. Chapter 15

Title: I Truly Love You (Formally Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: Maybe more for 16 and older for this chapter. I don't know… It's nothing to graphic, but it alludes to sex happening.

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I realized that as much as I love all the snuggling and kisses Santana and Rachel haven't been on a real date in a while. Yes they had been on real dates when they began seeing each other and I just went to the Michigan Renaissance Festival Saturday. It was Pirates weekend and raining. I personally love Renfest. In this I'm pretending that it visits during March and that weather here in Michigan in March is a lot better then it actually is. Although my definition and other peoples definition make differ since they don't live here and have to deal with how crazy stupid it can be. Seriously, how can Hail even form when it's 90 degrees and August? I had to suffer through this place I mentioned. I had to go to school here so I reserve all rights to make fun of it. Also I'm on cough syrup and writing this as I type and in danger of the power going out.

Part 15: Date Night

I don't know how I get myself into these situations. I love Rachel I really do. I am in agreement that we hadn't gone on a date in a while. She was right it was spring brake and we should have some fun. Of course I was hoping on the beach in Florida not at a Renaissance Festival in Holly, Michigan. This town is smaller then Lima. I've heard more then a few kids our age talking about their small town and all the Holly hoes that supposedly live here. It's all her and her damn puppy dog eyes fault. She knows that saying no to her when she does that is worse then kicking a puppy. At least the parents let us come here unsupervised, and by unsupervised I mean glee club trip sands any actual adults.

The Berrys reserved hotel rooms for all of us. Q brought minnie B. Puck is loving it. Last I saw he was off using Beth to attract the ladies. B and Q are off exploring somewhere. The other glee kids are who knows where, probably doing something awesome like watching a sword fight or really anything but this. I know my girl loves stuff only little kids should enjoy like B loves ducks, but this is just ridiculous. She is so lucky I love her.

We are currently at the small petting zoo area watching a cow. We're in the little kid section and have just gotten our faces painted. She just had to have a rainbow on her cheek and she made me get a pretty pink unicorn. She made me have a freaking unicorn. I'm shaking my head at how whipped I am that I let her do these things to me.

"Santana, let's go see if we can go ride the ponies." I hear Rachel squeal next to me. I look at her panicked. There is no way in hell I am going to get on those midget horses. She back at me with dancing eyes and starts cracking up. "Oh My God. Your expression was priceless." I glare before folding my arms nad pouting. "Baby don't pout." She reaches up and kisses my cheek, still laughing at me.

I can't help but smile when she kisses my cheek. It's so simple and we have kissed each other in more intimate places, but I've come to realize that sometimes it's the simpler kisses that mean the most. I lean down and kiss her nose and she giggles. I take her hand and drag her to one of the costume shots. I've come to the decision that if I have to wear a unicorn on my cheek she has to wear a corset.

We walk out of the chosen shop a little later with Rachel in a gold corset, long white skirt and long sleeve peasant blouse. To add to it the corset also had a star pattern on the fabric. I'm wearing high black boots a black pirate skirt and black corset with nothing under it. I figured if I could deal with running laps in the middle of winter in nothing but a cheerio's outfit I can handle walking around the festival half naked.

There was an incident at the counter involving the girl at the counter hitting on me. Rachel was not happy, but I can't deny how hot I think she is when she gets all possessive. I melted when she wrapped her arm around my waist and growled mine. It sent chills down my spine. When the girl backed off with a stuttered apology and terrified eyes I felt pride well within in. I couldn't help but thinking that that was my girl.

The rest of the day was spent flirting, watching the joust, more flirting, and shopping. They had this really cool shop with soft shoes made with fur and cow hide. Rachel didn't find it as cool and made us leave immediately, muttering something about never again and stupid farm. I chose not to ask, figuring that she was having flashbacks to the non-petting zoo.

We met up with the other glee kids when it was almost time for closing and walked out to our cars. Artie had his special car that he can drive without using his feet. He had Tina, Mercedes and Kurt in his vehicle. B,Q, Rachel, Beth and I got in my car and Puck, Finn, Matt and Mike got in Finn's. When we all got back to the hotel we went to our rooms to get some sleep. We would be heading back home in the morning so we decided to get some sleep.

I was going through my bag when I felt small, strong arms wrap around my waist. I smiled when I felt Rachel push my hair to one side and kiss the base of my neck. I turn and wrap my arms around Rachel's neck before leaning down and kissing full lips. I feel myself moan when I feel Rachel's hands begin untying the corset I was just about to change out of. Her lips are trailing down my neck to the abundant cleavage the corset was providing.

I was so into the feel of her lips and tongue that I hadn't noticed that she had pushed me on my back on the bed until she stops and I realize I'm looking up. Dark eyes are looking down at me and I know they must match my own. It has been so long since we've touched like this. I need her. I need to feel her.

"I love you." I whisper as I look up at the star above me. She smiles before leaning down to kiss me again.

"I love you too." She whispers back.

The rest of the night felt like our first time all over again as we rediscovered each others bodies and kissed each others scars.


	16. Chapter 16

Title: I Truly Love You (Formally Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13

Summary: _I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change._

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Sorry if this seems rushed. I wanted to end this so I could start the sequel that won't leave me alone. On an unrelated note, we finally know Brittany's last name.

Part 16: Us and the Stars

I can't believe we've made it. A year ago we were healing from more drama then anyone should ever have to deal with. Somehow we survived and made it to today. Today we graduate. Q is valedictorian. Despite getting pregnant, raising a daughter, getting kicked out of two houses, leaving another, admitting she is gay and living with Rachel and her special brand of crazy, (I'm dating her so I can say that) Q is still top of our class. I think that it helped when our entire senior class threatened not to walk if the school tried to deny her what she had worked so hard for. After everything Quinn is still the queen.

Q and B are still together. There was some brief drama where a new boy tried to steal B away from Q. That didn't last long. This also gave Q her inner bitch back, which I had missed in my friend. Suffice to say no one has tried to take B away from Q since, not that I think they could. Britt loves Quinn and Beth too much to ever be able to walk away. All three of them are headed to New York with Rach and I.

Puck told us that he would visit and that we had all better look after his baby. Puck joined the marines which shocked everyone. He says he wants to learn to be more badass so that he can scare away all the guys who try and get minnie B into bed. I think he just wants to try and become better for Beth. He leaves for basic, or whatever it is the marines go to. He told me all about it, but I was distracted be a certain brunette in a pair of real tight jeans.

Kurt and Mercedes gave Rach a real makeover the summer before senior year. I was at cheer camp that week and when I came back; let's just say I still owe them both a huge favor. Don't get me wrong, I thought she was beautiful before, but now it's so much more enhanced. She did make us have a proper funeral for all her animal sweaters. It was weird. I also almost killed half the school when they started hitting on her. The only thing that stopped me was Rachel showing off her engagement ring and Quinn's inhuman strength. That girl is so much stronger then she looks.

Rachel likes all the attention she gets when she wears this one pair of jeans. I don't at all. I guess I should take comfort in the fact that she gets just as jealous and possessive, but it's kind of hard when I'm seeing red. It caused a huge fight that ended with both of us in tears and not speaking for a couple days. I ended up apologizing first. I promised to try and control my jealously. The next day Rachel almost broke a cheerio's arm when she got a little too friendly with me. Afterwards I smirked while she scowled and promised to work on her's as well. Neither of us have been very successful so far.

I force myself to pay attention to the ceremony going on when I hear Principal Figgins thanking Q for her speech. I hope she doesn't realize I was zoned out through the whole thing. Soon enough we're standing to walk across the stage. I'm still forcing myself to pay attention. I know this is a big thing, but does it have to be so boring. My mind is still mostly lost on what has all happened this past year and what is planned to happen in the future.

We won Regionals both our junior and senior year. When we went to Nationals last year, which we of course won, there was a scout from Julliard who offered Rach, B and Mike full scholarships on the spot, for after they graduate. Rachel accepted without a second thought. B accepted after discussing it with Q. Mike declined, he is headed to UCLA.

Quinn got a full scholarship to NYU. She is going to major in Social Work. She wants to work mainly with teens and kids who were from homes like her's. She wants to help kids. NYU wanted her so bad that they even got an apartment for her and Beth that's close to campus. They also made sure to give her plenty of information on the day care they also have on campus.

I'm also going to NYU, only my scholarship is for cheerleading as apposed to academics. I'm planning on majoring in psychology. I want to help others in my own way. It's still weird to say that. I spent so much of my life torturing, or generally not caring by people and now I'm going to go to school to help them.

Q, B, Rach, Beth and I are heading out in a couple days. Rachel and Brittany are both enrolled in workshops. Quinn wants to get Beth settled and I'm starting classes early so I can stay close to Rachel.

A smiling brunette running into my arms pulls me out of my thoughts. I hug her before pulling away slightly. She is wearing a huge grin that usually means she is about to make me do something I hate. "Our parents are waiting to take pictures." I roll my eyes. Of course she was grinning like a maniac. Cameras are Rachel's crack.

I was so relieved an hour later when we were finally done with all the unnecessary blinding flashes and stupid poses. "Are you sure you don't need anymore pictures?"

I groan at her question, "They're sure." I try and use my stern voice, but it comes out more like a whine. I can't help it. I know I've spent the last four years as a popular cheerio and should love the camera, but I hate, loath and despise getting my picture taken.

Rachel's dads and my papa are laughing at me. My mama is smirking and has one eyebrow raised. If there was ever any question about whether or not I was my parents' child, it all disappears when my mama smirks like that.

"We have to hurry if we don't want to be late." That gets Rachel moving. However much she has mellowed she is still a diva and she still can't stand being late.

Rachel is dragging me over to where Quinn and Britt are standing with B's parents. B's mom and dad have fully accepted Quinn and Beth in their daughter's life. They insist on grandparent time with minnie B. They see just as much as Britt's daughter as Quinn's and Puck's. Rachel and I say hi and everything, they'll be watching Beth tonight, before Rachel is dragging the rest of us to my car. We love Rachel, but none of us let her drive if we can help it.

All four of us strip of our graduation gowns revealing out short shorts and tank tops underneath. Rach wanted us to wear something nicer, but I got her to let us wear this instead. I knew that anything else was most likely to get ruined.

I drove us to our destination and found that the other gleeks were already there. Puck looks up as we get out of the car walk over to join them. "what took you so long?" he has one of his stupid smirks on his face. As much as he has grown up he is still just a boy. I punch him on the arm. He winces and steps back hands up. I smile at the fact that I still got it.

I turn away from him and look around. Rachel is talking with Finn. Quinn is with B and Tina watching Mike show off his new moves. Artie is doing wheelies while Matt watches. Mercedes and Kurt are off talking about something or other. I smile as I watch my family. I'm going to miss them and how dysfunctional we all are. At least we're all headed out of Lima. We're all free.

I walk over to Rach and wrap my arms around her waist and pull her into me so that I can kisses her neck. She giggles as she sinks into me. Finn smiles uncomfortably before excusing himself. He accepts that we're together and happy; he just still has those mailman issues. Any affection Rach and I, or Q and B, show each other is enough to set him off.

"Are you ready?" I ask as the others begin to move closer.

"Are you?" she fires back in challenge. Neither of us have done anything like this. Our parents weren't the type to go camping. I grin and nod wondering how hard it can be to camp for a night. I'm also excited. The boys grab the bags and stuff while us girls carry the tents. We had decided that it would be more fun to party out here at our local state park rather then a hotel.

Hours later and we're set up and are well into party mode. Some of the other kids from out class got spots so they can party with with us. I'm looking around for Rachel. I went to get us some more to drink and somehow lost her. I ask the glee kids if they've seen her. Kurt gestures towards the path that leads to the lake.

I follow the path and sure enough there she is, sitting down on the bank watching the stars. I sit nest to her and lean my head against her shoulder. I feel one of her hands come up and start to play with my hair. I close my eyes enjoying the quiet moment.

"I'm going to miss this." Her voice is soft and wistful. I move my head slightly to look at her confused. "The stars. I'll miss being able to see them."

I nod and snuggle back into her neck. We just sit there watching the sky. I allow myself to enjoy the quiet that we won't get in the city. For just this little while it's like it's just us and the stars.

**The end of high school and the start of Santana and Rachel's beginning.**


End file.
